Confessions
by Anglachel
Summary: After OotP. Sirius is looking back on his life, thinking about what he was. One-shot. Please review.


I'm Snuffles, better known as Sirius Black. The mass murderer and escaped convict from Azkaban. My current occupation: angel.

How does this work, you wonder. First, I just said I was a mass murderer, and then I said I was an angel.

Don't worry; I'm sure many god-fearing wizards up here are just as shocked as you are. I have never killed anyone.

Let me rephrase that. I've never killed an innocent person.

I admit, I've killed a few Voldemort supporters, and they're burning in hell for their crimes, but that's beside the point.

So, how did I become an angel? Well, it all started with the first time I visited my Aunt Elladora's family.

I was five, and my little brother Regulus and I were excited to be meeting our cousins.

Eldest was Andromeda, the ethereal beauty, whose magnanimous nature made her my immediate ally.

The second eldest was Bellatrix, the dark haired avenging angel, who burned with a maniacal love for her family and heritage.

The baby of the three, Narcissa, was just a babe in arms at the time. She would later grow to the vixen, the temptress. The Black siren.

I took an immediate liking to Andromeda, who was older, but Bellatrix was the one who intrigued me.

"You're annoying," she told me flippantly, pushing me down the stairs. "Go away Sirius."

"Girls have cooties," I sneered, pushing her back. She stumbled and fell, and glared at me with her cold black eyes.

"Boys smell," she snapped back, folding her small arms across her chest as blood welled up on her knee. She set her jaw stubbornly, refusing to cry.

I was instantly contrite, and helped her wipe off all of the blood. That was the beginning of our turbulent and disastrous relationship.

It was her blood that was spilt on the first day of our friendship, and metaphorically, it was mine on the last day. No blood was actually shed.

I'm getting sidetracked.

Bellatrix and I were constant and unwavering friends, sticking together in our lonely childhood.

We only differed in two things. I am a boy and she is a girl. And, she had a love of our family that I could never accept she. She believed in every word our elders said, and clung to it with desperation.

Her parents didn't love Bella and her siblings. To them, their children were just pawns in their scheme to keep the Black family alive.

I suppose Bella's desire to please her parents sprouted this obsession and it was her downfall.

Me, I was lucky to escape. I was sorted into Gryffindor when we arrived at Hogwarts.

I remember Bella staring at me as I sat down next to a boy with glasses, her hard eyes boring into me like they had the day we first met. Accusing me silently, their pain speaking to me more than words ever could.

I have always loved her. But, things came between us.

There are a thousand 'ifs.' If Bella hadn't married Rodolphus, if Bella hadn't cast her lot with Voldemort, if this, if that. When I was younger, I would dream of asking her to marry me.

She would always say yes in my dreams.

But when I got old enough to propose, she had already been warped into the cynical twisted woman that she is now.

James often pressed me into dating other women, saying that I was too handsome to be a bachelor.

Sure, there were other girls.

None of them were Bellatrix though. I often wondered if she had ever felt the same way as I, and I still don't know.

When Lily and James died, everything that was keeping me tied to earth was gone.

So, I did something rash, something stupid.

Now, I regret it. I wish I had been able to see Harry grow up, be a godfather to him. I hope that the time I had with him was enough.

But, what is dealt us in life is never enough.

I never spent enough time with my cousin Andromeda, and now, her daughter is all grown up. I never spent enough time with my little brother Regulus.

In a way, I blame myself for his death. I was too busy running around with Bellatrix to pay any attention to my little brother.

He was starved for attention, just like she was.

I often wonder, now that I have wings, if I can go down and talk to Harry, comfort him when he needs it.

His time of trial is coming, and I wish I could be with him. Be the friend James always was to me.

Wings aren't all they've cracked up to be.

Yes, I can soar now, but I would rather be on the earth.


End file.
